By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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