I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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