Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
