I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
