I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
