Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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