remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
