I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
