I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
