so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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