so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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