you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
