i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
