you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
