I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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