I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
