I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
