She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
