tell your sister to shave her snatch
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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