Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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