I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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