Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
ok first of all what the fuck
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
