can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
smell my finger.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
