Small penises have feelings too.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The feeling are messing with the penis
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
