Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
