Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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