1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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