If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
