my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
