Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
