There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
