ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
