i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
