So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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