yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
