Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
