let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The feeling are messing with the penis
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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