drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
