I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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