So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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