TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
