i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
