So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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