i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
