I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.