Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Less talking, more tequila
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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