If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
