Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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