Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
