Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
no you cant smoke seaweed
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
