capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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