If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
