There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
