this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
