can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
