is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You may now shotgun with the bride
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
