he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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