I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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