The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
