What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
