Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My life is pants optional.
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