whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
