oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize