walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
