Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize