You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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