Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Randomize
