I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
