I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
