I need to stop coming to work sober
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
