I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
