Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
