I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
