She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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