Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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