if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
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in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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