After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
