I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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