went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
