I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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