today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
