My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
