You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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