how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
