and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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