As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
