this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
