I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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